


Off the Record

by spacetrek



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, bruce doesn't want to be treated nicely when he's hurt, clark and diana put up with a lot, diana's mostly just on the comm but she makes herself known, he just wants to know who else he has to punch and who else he has to save
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 16:11:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13057503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacetrek/pseuds/spacetrek
Summary: "I thought we were saving this conversation for later.""I have to get my shots in while your defenses are lacking."Clark probably could save this conversation for later, but he needs to keep Bruce talking.  Diana certainly isn't going to stop him.





	Off the Record

“Wonder Woman, how long?”

 

“Only a few more minutes, Kal, I promise.  How is he?”

 

“Just - just hurry.”

 

Diana went silent again, and Clark was left alone with Bruce.

 

This whole mission had been a headache from start to finish.  A couple weeks ago, a man calling himself “Imitatio” (real name Charles Burke) had shown up in Gotham.  Burke, as his name sort of suggested, was an imitator - he’d studied the League’s enemies and created bombs, robots, traps, and other devices that mimicked the shticks of his predecessors.

 

Bruce hadn’t mentioned Burke’s existence to the League, and they probably only would have found out much later, had Burke not suddenly moved his operation to Central City.  Barry was sick as a dog, had been on leave for several days now, but he’d suited up and run out to protect the people after frantically calling for backup.  Now Barry was in the hospital with a broken arm on top of his hacking cough, but he was happy to have helped.

 

With Barry out of the fight, Bruce had put Clark on perimeter duty while he himself broke into the church Burke was using as a hideaway, getting the pastor to safety and defusing an EMP clearly meant for Vic.  He hadn’t managed to get to the bomb tucked under one of the pews because he’d been too busy fighting the kryptonite statue-robot thing (and the perimeter duty thing had confused Clark up until he heard about _that_ and then it all made perfect sense and he was definitely going to have words with Bruce about this).  But not now.

 

The bomb had contained some kind of gas meant to mimic Scarecrow’s fear toxin, and Bruce had been badly affected.  Diana had crashed through the stain-glass window of the balcony, yanking Burke along with her as she leapt off the choir box and into the statue-robot, destroying it.  She grabbed Bruce, nearly took a batarang to the thigh, and hauled friend and foe out of the toxic interior of the church.

 

Now Diana was up in the Watchtower with Dr. Palmer, synthesizing an antidote for the poison (and Clark was definitely going to have nightmares about Bruce’s reaction when they’d stuck a needle in his neck).  Dr. Palmer hadn’t wanted to risk transporting Bruce in his condition, so they’d left Clark at ground zero to “keep him company”, which Clark knew even then was a barely-veiled euphemism for “hold him down”.

 

So here he was, outside a ruined church, kneeling over his friend in the dust and cracked asphalt.  Bruce hadn’t stopped fighting the entire time (7 minutes and 35, 36, seconds God, Diana, please hurry-) and Clark was really starting to worry about his wrists.  And it really, really hurt to see his friend, the smartest and most controlled person he knew, snarling and bucking against him like a trapped animal.  Bruce's heart, usually so steady, hadn't slowed its punishing pace even once and it was giving Clark a headache. This couldn’t continue.  Either Clark’s emotions or Bruce’s wrists were going to snap.

 

“Batman!” Clark tried again to get Bruce’s attention.  It worked about as well as it had the first eight times, which was not at all.  “Batman, it’s Superman.”  Bruce just bared his teeth and tried again to pull his hands away and reach for his utility belt.  Specifically the pouch Clark knew contained kryptonite.  And yeah, that kind of hurt, but - oh.  If Bruce was aware enough to know it was Clark holding him down and not some drug-induced monster (and that hurt more actually, because what exactly did he think Clark was doing?  Not the time to ask), then maybe-

 

“Batman, we completed the mission.”  Clark used his 'Superman reporting for duty’ voice instead of his ‘Clark concerned about his friend’ voice.  “Burke’s in custody and the city is safe.”  He let go of Bruce’s hands, fully prepared to pin him flat again the moment he reached for the kryptonite.  “It’s over.  We did it.”

 

Bruce punched Clark’s shoulder, hard, then grabbed it, digging his fingers in enough that Clark kind of worried they’d break. He could definitely hear them creaking.

 

Bruce writhed once more, then licked his lips and asked “The pastor?”  His voice sounded awful, but he was talking.

 

Clark exhaled heavily, feeling lighter than he had since Diana had dragged a frantic Bruce out of the church. “Yeah.  Yeah, B, you got him out.  He’s okay.”  Bruce’s hand was spasming against his shoulder.  Clark was pretty sure he’d heard a nail break.  He was also pretty sure he should keep talking, but he had the feeling that his usual civilian soothing routine wouldn’t go over well with Bruce.  Shop talk it was, then.  “Burke got you with some kind of fear gas.  Scarecrow’s M.O.”

 

For a moment, the only sound was Bruce’s ragged breathing.  Then his hand twitched again.  “Son of a bitch.”  

 

The familiar thread of frustration in Bruce’s voice was almost enough to make Clark laugh.  “Yeah, it kind of is.”

 

“ _He_ kind of is.  And I was stupid not to get to that bomb, I knew where it was-“

 

“Hey, if we’re going to play the blame game, I’ve got plenty to say to you about that kryptonite guy, but let’s save it for when you’ve got a better chance of winning.”

 

Bruce was trembling a little, but his voice was mostly steady.  “I could- I could win an argument now.”

 

“Sure you could.”

 

“Don’t patronize me.”

 

“I’m not.”

 

“You are.  Your default is patronizing”

 

“Says mister ‘I didn’t tell you about the kryptonite monster _and_ I put you on perimeter duty to keep you away from it’”

 

“I thought we were saving this conversation for later.”

 

“I have to get my shots in while your defenses are lacking.”

 

Bruce huffed.  “That’s remarkably low, for you.”

 

“Thanks, Professor Batman, I learned from the best.”  Bruce’s body jerked underneath him and his heart rate spiked again.  “Bruce?”

 

“Codenames,” Bruce grated.  He took several slow breaths, steadying his pulse before replying. “I’m fine.  Keep talking.”

 

“About what?”

 

“Don’t care.  Just need - something to focus on.”

 

Clark considered for a moment.  “Did I ever tell you about the second time I tried to fly?"

 

“You did not.”

 

“Well you’ll probably love it because it’s humiliating for me.  I crashed through the barn roof.”

 

“I thought your parents were used to you breaking things.”

 

“It was our neighbor’s barn.”

 

“Ah.”

 

Clark rambled on about how he’d had to make an excuse (“I told him I’d climbed his barn on a dare and there’d been a rotten spot in the roof and I’d fix it and reshingle the whole roof if he wanted, promise”) and how his parents weren’t really mad, just very worried about him and that just made it worse (“honestly I wanted to die”), and finally he was interrupted by Diana.

 

“Kal?”

 

“Wonder Woman?”

 

“We’ve got it.  Can you bring him up?  And it was very sweet of you to offer to fix Mr. Jefford’s entire barn for him.”

 

Clark sighed loudly and reached up to his earpiece.  “Glad you liked it."

 

“You left your comm on again, didn’t you.”  Bruce didn't say it like a question, which was kind of presumptuous and rude, but also fair considering Clark's history with the thing.  

 

“Yeah.”  He just wasn't used to having a mini phone in his ear all the time.  If someone wasn't directly talking to him, he tended to forget it was there at all.

 

“What did she want?"

 

Clark put aside the idea of removing his earpiece and just eavesdropping on Bruce’s.  “She wants to know if they can take us up without you stabbing anyone.”

 

“That’s not what she said.”

 

“It’s close enough.”

 

“Fine.  Tell her there won’t be any stabbing.”

 

“He says yes,” Clark told Diana, then looked back at Bruce.  “‘No stabbing’ seems like a very low standard.”

 

“I’m fine.”  At Clark’s unimpressed look he amended, “I’m fine enough.”  A loud _whoom_ behind them signaled the arrival of a boom tube.  Bruce's heart jumped again, the only sign of distress he gave. “And there’s our ride."

 

Clark stood and offered Bruce his hand, still prepared to immobilize him if need be.

 

Bruce took the proffered hand and shakily got to his feet.  He was still trembling and looked more skittish than usual, but he set his jaw and only staggered a little.

 

It was still enough for Clark to duck his head and slip his shoulders under Bruce’s arm.  Bruce startled and tried to yank away.  “Clark-“

 

“Codenames, B,”  Clark reminded.  Bruce glared at him.  “Look, the faster we get you up to the Watchtower, the sooner you get back on your feet and the sooner you can yell at Barry for reckless endangerment while completely ignoring the fact you did almost exactly the same thing yourself.”

 

“I didn’t-“

 

“Kal, Dr. Palmer wants to know what is taking you.  Is Batman stable?”

 

“He’s okay, Wonder Woman.  Okay enough to be his usual self.”  Clark ignored the look Bruce shot him.  He was immune at this point.

 

“Ah,” Diana said, as if everything suddenly made sense, because it probably did.  “Will you be here in the next five minutes?”

 

“We’ll be less than two.”  Clark turned to Bruce.  “You ready?”

 

“I’ve been ready for the past five minutes, but continue.”

 

“Boys, please.”  Clark fiddled with his earpiece and sighed again. 

 

Bruce activated his own earpiece.  “Tell Clark to stop patronizing me.”

 

Clark heard Diana's reply clearly through Bruce's comm.  “Both of you stop arguing and get up here before I come down there and get you myself.”

 

“Yes ma’am.”  

 

“She’s going to get you for that.”  Clark tugged on Bruce’s arm, leading him toward the boom tube.

 

“Not while I’m injured.”  Diana didn’t voice her disagreement to this obvious lie, which meant she hadn’t heard it.  Bruce never forgot to turn off his earpiece.   "And compared to Scarecrow’s toxin this gas is frankly pathetic.  It could probably wear off on its own.”

 

“You're not going to sit alone in your room monitoring your own vitals and calculating the potency of some knockoff Scarecrow gas.”

 

“Your spirit of scientific inquiry is very lacking.”

 

“So you’ve mentioned.  Besides, there’s no need for you to waste your time with machines.  I can tell you’re getting better because your comebacks are getting worse.”

 

Clark grabbed Bruce around the knees with his free hand, swung him up into his arms, and darted into the boom tube before Bruce could offer any retort.  He could hear Diana laughing in his ear.

 

One of these days he’d remember to turn the comm off.

**Author's Note:**

> damn Hanna back at it with the 2am fanfiction
> 
> I return from my almost year-long hiatus to post some Nonsense


End file.
